Learning From the Incovenient Child...Who I Love Dearly

Awesome Mom!

         OK, I've quit my job. I've moved to another state, it's time to put my big girl pants on and put my money where my mouth is. Quite possibly my foot...... but really, I'm confident. So here we go. I left my career in education to become rather transform into Supermom.I will cook like Betty Frickin Crocker, launder like Mr. Muthafrickin Clean, homework like and create like Martha Muthflippin Stewart. That's right baby I am going to go for the full Monte and momming this shiznat up!


     


 I now walk the kids to school and pick them up. Yes, in the rain or sleet or snow I walk the perfectly capable fifth graders the whole half a block to school. Its really for me, making up for lost time...but I shall pretend it is for them. You have to understand that as teachers we NEVER get to do this. We miss every single first day. We miss that morning hug at the gate. Many of us miss picking them up too. We pick them up when they are tired and surely done with their last game of dodge-ball, when child care is wrapping up in the final hours. Sometimes we make it for homework, sometimes not. Sometimes we get desperate calls from family members asking us to come home so that we can do homework.

Laundry Mom!

 


   I now do all the laundry. I now attempt to do some laundry. Yep that's me super wife attempting to do some laundry. Don't ask me to put it away...that's not on my list.

 

Mom a la mode!

 



 I do majority if not all of the cooking. Score for me! I cook awesome shiznat. Honestly, I rock in this category. Check that box!     














 Homework. I'm a teacher...I'm a teacher....I'm a teacher.....I can do this.I don't want to do this. It's like poking my eyes with forks. Not all homework is difficult.It's all difficult because it's boring and I hate it. I put on the mom/teacher face, zero in and set the good example. Here we go. 







OK, insert my inconvenient child. His pediatrician lovingly called him that, it fits. I love him for his inconvenience after I calm down from being ready to throw food at him or do something else which is very mature and motherly because he teaches me.  He moans, he groans, he growls. Really he growls.

I've had teachers report this to me as if he's murdering small animals in the bathroom. I don't know why he does it. I suppose it's out of frustration. It might also be because I always growl when I'm frustrated. I'm a vocal person and usually its taken as a funny kind of quirk. No one is ever offended, it often lends to comic relief. I had no idea I'd have a child that mimics me in a completely non playful way.You live, you learn. So he growls and complains, but he does it. He complains and shoots me looks as if I'm hanging him by his toenails. But it gets done DAMMIT!

Dammit!

    Filling in the Gaps. Really, we are in this new house, in this new state so that I can be available for the kiddos. What does that mean? It means that my super teacher powers have a purpose in my new life. One of my kiddos really struggles in school. He's a crazy smart kiddo with some attentional issues.You know as in if you are talking to him about something he isn't interested in, you don't exist. As in he struggles to

maintain focus on anything boring....like homework.....like school......and sometimes his parents. That's all good and fine though, because I got skills YO! We got this no problem. When his teacher tries to tell me he isn't capable of reading grade appropriate text, I know he can. He NEEDS TO MUST be interested. Then tell me he can't, but not when you are reading boring books that include the words Plain and Tall in the title books that make you daydream about about clipping your toenails. So yes I have strong feelings about motivation and interest, aka buy-in. That's when achievement and capability rise to either meet your expectations or teach you something interesting about your student. 


So insert me and the inconvenient child.Tonight we embarked upon the great journey of  HUNGER GAMES. Being the strategic teacher I am I thought, yes lets' read a book that;s about a world he could not possibly imagine.I know, I know. It's not a warm fuzzy happy book. It's shockingly raw and exposes the readers to painful and gruesome images. It also will suck in my child, and that is the goal here.Judge me as you like. We'll work on appreciating Old Yeller later. In fact, let's make it as non-mom as possible for at least the first chapter. Then I won't have to read aloud. I hate reading aloud. Also, he won't tune out because it's a mom voice reading. I won't turn into Charlie Brown's teacher. Wa, wa, wa...Insert Amazon Kindle Whisper Read.


      I sat and held up the kindle. The kiddos cuddled around me, and some computer voice read the first chapter. Not exactly what I expected. Weren't they going have Morgan Freeman or some interesting voice read this, not Robogirl? Oh jeez no intonation, no emotion. No interest for Mandy. But something magical happened. He loved it. He was interested. He wanted more! Robogirl speaks Inconvenient Child! Saaaayyyy WHAT?  Yep, that's right! He was bummed when the Robogirl sucked the life out of my kindle and it died. We charged. Then I read. Soon, he started cutting me off and reading aloud! WHAT? So by the end of the evening I learned a few lessons:

1. Kindle WhisperRead or whatever it's called is read by Robogirl. Some things are read incorrectly. It included no intonation. YAWN..... 
2. You cannot effectively pause the Robogirl and then begin in the exact place you left off. I mean who would want to that? Psh, pause and restart where you left off. I pretended like it was my intention to have things reread by Robogirl. We all needed a refresher after the big discussion about Effie Trinkett, ya sure that's it. As mom's we rock at BSing.  Me? I'm the trifecta. I was a sneaktastic kid, I'm a teacher, and a mother. Don't screw with me.      
   
         
3. The inconvenient child can read grade level text. Provided he wants to, is motivated, and totally sucked in. Yea that's no problem. Don't all teachers strive for that kind of engagement? Um, no some things are just boring. More on that later....
4. The IC knows nothing about probability. Not that I'm blaming his teachers hello second and third grade here's a shout out of appreciation for a job well-done. Honestly at the time he was supposed to be learning that his world was falling apart because my dad was dieing. Whatever the reason homie ain't getting it. So how can he make predictions about....well anything.....if he can't assess probability? We shall fix this fo shizel! That's another post.....
5. The IC likes to jump to the end of books. Not because he doesn't understand the way a fiction text works like some people who haven't taken the time to diagnose what's really going on, might say, but because he lacks impulse control. He wants to know so badly what is going on that HE JUST CAN"T HANDLE IT. Last night he even said, "Mom just skip a few pages so we know who really goes to the arena." WTF? Imagine how much he's missed out on...character development....setting changes....nuances in subtle the tones of characters....it's a tragedy. The mom in me was sobbing.Don't make the, "Why don't you know this", face Mandy. He will see! He will know. Don't do it! Smile like you do in the elevator when someone farts. The teacher in me was doing the biggest booty dance of all time! I've found a  hole that I can fill, a pattern in his behavior that leads to low comprehension. I've found something I can fix.Also because I am right and others are wrong. Is this immaturity? Is it lack of impulse control? Not sure yet, but we will find out in time.

  Not too bad for a Saturday night huh? Thank you Hunger Games for sucking the IC in and allowing me to see what he needs. Thank you IC for letting me come into your world for just a little. Thank you to my other child who sat patiently while much of this took place. Thank you to my husband for putting me in a position in which I could be more present for the offspring. Now where's the whiskey?

Cheers! One day down!